Tuesday, 15 June 2010

I think it's called my destiny...

Today I feel like I have a tidy mind...it must be because I tidied my room recently. But because I have a tidy mind, I can see all of the things that were previously blocked out by clutter.

I had a bit of a moment today where I suddenly thought...

This is what I want to be. I want to be a singer/songwriter. I know this whole year has been aimed at me doing my music and working as a musician. But I know now that this is what I want to do.

I've always 'wanted' to do it, but not with a great conviction. When you're at school, you're asked what you want to do after you've finished school, and generally it's a career which is based around your education...your GCSEs, A-Levels or whatever...and you aim towards that particular career. I'm currently on this path. I have accepted my place on a University course to study Creative Music Technology, after which I plan to study to become a teacher. The theory I have been following is this: if anything magical happens along the way, then that's great. If it doesn't, it doesn't. But now...I don't feel that's enough.

Singer/songwriter for a living has always been an afterthought. But if it's what I love to do, then why is it an afterthought?


There's no stability in the career.
There are so many who want to be the same thing.
Much of it is being in the right place at the right time.
It's a gamble.

But recently I've come to realise that it really it is what I want to do.

When I see a stage, I want to be up there, and when I'm up there, I don't want it to end.

I live by Walt Disney's quote: If you can dream it, you can do it.

But why am I ignoring this when it comes to a career in music?

It seems that now, things are picking up, and I'm getting more gigs and I'm learning a lot and I'm enjoying it. I'm getting some lovely feedback from people, the Island's music scene is brilliant, and when I go to Uni, it's just going to stop. I can say that I'll come back for gigs, but it's easier said than done. The total journey time is about 2 and a half hours, and I'm sure that I'll be busier up there than I first imagined I'd be.

Which leads me to think about my Uni course again. Over the past year and a bit I've been iffy about it. - Wondering whether it's the course for me etc....

Thinking of Holly as a musician...I put myself into my songs. I don't want to go to Uni to learn how to write better bass lines, or to create better mixes. I don't have to do everything myself. When I'm at gigs I present myself, my voice, my words, my simple chords, my melodies and it seems to go down well.

I'm not saying that's all I need. But to grow and become a better singer/songwriter I don't need to know how to create a really good mix. I have a basic knowledge of production etc. and I know how I like things to sound. To grow as a singer/songwriter, I need these things...

Life experience
Guitar lessons (!)
A larger range of vocabulary

That's what I feel I need. Recently I haven't had a chance to do any reading, so I'm not improving. Sometimes when I'm writing lyrics I feel as though I'm trapped in a pen or something. (Not the writing implement kind, but the other kind.) And the boundaries are closing in and so is my mind. And you can't write songs with a closed mind. And I don't think studying Creative Music Technology will improve my vocabulary.

Yesterday I had the pie in the sky idea of doing an Open University course in English from home and still being able to pursue a music career. So now I'm going to do a list of pros and cons...

Let's get the cons out of the way first...


It means that I'd be living at home still, and I don't want to be sponging of my parents if I don't have any gigs for a while. (I imagine they'd probably like some peace and quiet too!)

I wouldn't gain the 'life experience' that Uni has to offer.

I wouldn't have a base to do gigs from in Guildford.

(I'm sure there are more...I'll come back to it...)


I'd be able to continue with my Island gigs. Regular slots etc.

I wouldn't get homesick!

I'd still get a degree and I'd HAVE to read.

My vocabulary would improve and I could have guitar lessons on the Island.

(I got an A for A-Level English and a C for Music (a D for the composition section))

And I've done OK living on the Island this year. I've had some wonderful experiences. The trip to London...meeting Suzanne Vega...an incredibly fun album launch...making the album...gigs...passing my driving test...it's not like I've missed out by being here.

I wish I didn't feel as though it's expected of me to go to University. But that's how it is. To get a good job, that's the general, secure way to go.

I'll stop now before I start going round in circles.

TTFN xxxxx


Larry said...

Thanks for sharing your feelings with us. You seem to be quite analytical and that can be a very good thing if not taken to the extreme. I feel that one of life's greatest rewards is to be able to follow one's feelings and not put much weight on what others think.

Being true to one's self is finding one's own life, while living a life to please others results in a game-playing false existence with no satisfaction.

I hope you can learn to relax a bit and let it all flow. Like a song from 'It's A Beautiful Day' says, '...let a woman flow to her own natural rhythm.' I, for one, pray that you do just that and, believe you will, and will be just fine, excelling in whatever you choose to do. Guess I need to shut up now, lol! God love you, Holly. You are so precious to so many people.

Larry said...

Oh yeah, just wanted to say... about your grammar and stuff, not to worry. Just play that DVD I sent you over and over, learning to emulate what you hear, and you will do just fine. In fact, you might even become the talk of the island! :)

Trevor said...

Good analysis,Holly.The truth is that the world has changed.When I was young only a very few people went to university and it was deemed a great achievement;and,because of that,it became THE thing to which one had to aspire -- parents wanted it for their children because it represented the possibility of a decent future - a future very different from that which was ever available to them or their own parents.It represented financial stabilty,security and the possibility of owning their own home.It spoke of a clean job;a job in one of the professions;a job that parents could boast about on your behalf.Then,over the years,more and more people were able to go to university and to do so became a much more common event ;indeed,it became an expectation and,for some,a heavy and burdensome one which locked parent and child in a fiercely antagonistic struggle in which both parties felt that they were right and ,in a way,they were.Young people wanted freedom to pursue their own destiny;parents understood the need for financial stability.
But then something really interesting and immensely helpful happened, which was that the age profile of those taking degrees changed quite remarkably.It was no longer something that people did between the ages of 18 and 22 but something it was possible to do at any age and through various different mediums.The choice between university or not university aged 18-22 became and remains less stark and less definitive,though parental echoes of the past understandably remain.
You can do a degree at any point in whatever subject you wish but can you recapture the creative force which now drives you forward at any time ? Is there a risk that the creative spirit ,which is such a precious and elusive thing ,could be stifled in a more academic and formal environment ? I don't know,but I do know that both Bob Dylan and Neil Young wrote immensely powerful songs deliberately using only three chords .
Lastly,it has always seemed to me that you are a poet and reading ,whether as part of a degree course or not,is something that you simply
have to do -- and you know this to be true. Sorry to go on for so long...Now take a deep breath :)

xenonrush said...

Very interesting and insightful. I am not greatly surprised by your thoughts and conclusions. I agree very much with what Trevor said about university. When I left school very few people went to university and most of the ones who didn't go, who I have kept in touch with, have done very well. I didn't do uni until I was 47 when I did an MSc in Computing Science because I fancied it so proving what Trevor says about it's never too late.
However the world has changed and for many types of employment a university degree on the CV is a very important door opener and backstop.

When you say you want to be a singer / songwriter you actually already are and in my opinion a pretty good one.
You say that:
There's no stability in the career.
There are so many who want to be the same thing.
Much of it is being in the right place at the right time.
It's a gamble.
and you are oh so right.
So it looks to me as though the big dilemma is how do you follow the dream whilst making it a commercial proposition and also put the backstop in place. Maybe you should have a look at your options with regard to doing an English degree at a university. That way you would get the English exposure that you need and want whilst also getting the 'life experience' of uni. And you could get music / guitar tuition as well as performing with others there. It also means that you would have to learn to work outside your comfort zone of the Island. I am sure you could get gigs at many places wherever you are.

Larry said...

Wow, Xeno! No wonder you created a masterpiece of work, lol!

Kestrel said...

I just wanted to say, that you are right that many people dream of being a singer/songwriter and all the risk/issues you list are true.

But then, you have already passed 90% of those people! You have a CD, which they don't. You have fans around the world, which they don't. You have real talent, which they don't. Most of those people are just doing covers or emulating others and don't have their "own" music. So, just remember, you are well ahead on that curve.

Still, Open university is probably a good idea. Being able to teach as a fall back plan is never a bad idea.

wolfgang said...

I want to say this in German:

Es ist schwierig eine Entscheidung zu kommentieren, die jemand für sich getroffen hat. Man operiert ja immer nur auf der Bewusstseinsebene und da fallen die Entscheidungen eher selten. Folge ich meiner Intuition zerfallen alle Zweifel bezüglich Deiner Wahl zu Staub: Du b i s t eine Musikerin und Du b i s t eine Poetin! Ich kann und will Dich also gar nicht bestärken oder verunsichern. Ich will einfach nur meinen deutschen Senf auch noch dazugeben, sonst haben Larry, Trevor, Xeno und Kestrel so viel schlaue Dinge gesagt und ich in diesem wichtigen Moment geschwiegen. Das geht nun wirklich nicht.

D.N.H. said...

Your post today did not ask for advice, but you probably expected you would get some. My advice to you would be to discuss this with your family and closest friends. Those who know and love you are best qualified to help you decide on this matter.

That said, I'll share my experience and give you my opinion anyway. :)

When I finished high school I had no interest in continuing on to college. I was tired of school and wanted to get a job and get on with my life. It took me about 4 years to realize that was the wrong choice. By the time I decided to return to school I was married with a couple of kids. I had to attend classes part time while working full time. It took me 6 years to complete an Associate degree. I never did earn a Bachelor's. However, fate was kind to me and I ended up in a job I enjoy for a good company that affords me the ability to do the things I like to do, including music.

So my recommendation to you would be to continue on with your higher education. The new experiences and changes will surely enhance your songwriting. And isn't Guildford home to the Academy of Contemporary Music? I have to think the community would have a thriving local music scene you could be part of.

I'm sure the decision is a complicated one. Trust your family to help you make it.

D.N.H. said...

@wolfgang "I just want my German mustard"?
Is that eine Redewendung or a Google translate error.

Larry said...

I feel that education is extremely important in life (wish I had a bit), and not just for a job. Maybe even more so in the realm of human relations. Maybe there is a way to do both. I surely do not know. I would pray about it.

wolfgang said...

@D.N.H.: It's an idiom meaning: to say something more or less worthless, only for the purpose of saying something. 'Ich gebe meinen Senf dazu'.

me said...

It is even tough for family!! I am 50-50 about it but know that the final decision must be with Holly.
At her age I was a married soon to be mum and made my own decisions. Because I had no qualifications I had various jobs through the years, and life was not always easy. If I had had qualifications though, would I have lead a happier life than the one I have had ~ who knows? Part of me thinks it would be best for H to continue her education and even if she doesn't use her degree straight away, has it in her 'back pocket' for when or if she decides that the singer/songwriter existence may be not what she wants after all. Another part of me thinks that maybe she should grab the bull by the horns and spend a little more time seeing what the music brings.
There are many pros and cons though,as Holly says,which would need to be carefully ironed out before any final decision is made.
Thank you so much to everyone for your great, informed and constructive comments. Holly is very lucky to have such amazing friends.

wolfgang said...

Das Wunderbare an Deinen Ausführungen, Holly, ist, dass sie mich immer wieder zu einer Selbstreflexion führen, zu einer existenziellen Reflexion.
Mein Leben ist im beruflichen Bereich dadurch bestimmt, abseits zu leben von dem, was mich innerlich berührt und doch gerade durch diese Differenz zu lernen. Manchmal sitze ich da wie ein Kind am Rande einer belebten Straße und sehe die individuelle Stärken aber auch die Lebenslügen der anderen an mir vorüberziehen.Das ist das Positive.
Dann wieder werde ich hineingezogen in diesen repetetiven Sumpf der Lebenslügen (meiner und der der anderen). Das krätzige Gefühl festzustecken stellt sich ein, unter seinem Niveau zu leben, aber auch zu träge zu sein, zu unzulänglich zu sein, um sich aus diesem Deja vus heraus zu ziehen.
Ich werde dann zum Schauspieler, ich spiele, was man von mir erwartet und darunter separieren sich Schichten eines anderen Wolfgang. Ein ungesundes Unterfangen und ein anstrengendes obendrein. Andererseits wird durch dieses Hin-und Herspringen zwischen Gespieltem und Bedeutsamem eine Abstraktionsplattform für eine neue Sicht auf die Dinge bereitgestellt.

Ich werde unverständlich und breche hier ab.

Anonymous said...

Holly, I'm sure your parents love you and believe that they have done you a favour by letting you put off going to university for a year and stay at home. But you're living in fantasy land. The internet world is not real and adoring comments from other people who also live in the virtual world of their computers do not mean much out in the real world. Okay, you've made a CD. It may be very good, but it's the musical equivalent of vanity publishing when you have paid for it yourself. Your website and the whole way it is designed say very clearly that you are imagining yourself to be something you are not. You may have played at a few pubs on the Isle of Wight, but there is a much bigger world out there. Do not even think about turning down that place at university. It may not be the perfect course, but it will get you out into the world. Maybe you will find opportuniies to perform in Guildford, maybe not, but if you stay on the Isle of Wight you won't be any different in a year's time to the way you are now, and your contemporaries will already have the end of their university course in sight. The bubble you are in now has got to break sometime. Don't let it just rot away.

Larry said...


If there was any truth and sense in you, you would not have to sign your name, 'Anonymous'. Get a life.

wolfgang said...

Anonymous trifft einen wichtigen Punkt. Die Beschränkung auf die Isle of Wight kann nicht zum Erfolg führen, die Basis ist einfach zu klein. Ein Ausflug in die europäische oder amerikanische Umgebung hat zwei Vorteile, sie schafft eine Differenz und damit eine Spannung, die sich künstlerisch positiv auswirken wird. Der andere ist, dass Dein Bekanntheitsgrad, aber auch die Möglichkeiten Geld zu verdienen größer werden.
Aber die Frage ist auch, ob Du mit 19 Jahren schon für so eine 'Exkursion' bereit bist. Ein zu geradliniges Leben ist aber auch nicht unbedingt das Wahre und Lehrerin zu werden ist eine trügerische Sicherheit, die leicht unterfordernd wirken kann.
Die Furcht vor dem Heimweh, so mein Eindruck ist ein sehr bestimmendes Element, das mich immer wieder irritiert. Für mich ist es so etwas, wie eine alogische Insel in Deinen sonst durch und durch vernünftigen Argumentationsketten. Die zentrale Frage in diesem Zusammenhang: Wozu hast Du deutsch gelernt, wenn Du nicht nach Deutschland, Österreich oder die Schweiz gehst? Deine Aussprache ist schließlich exzellent.

Larry said...

Ich schweife ab!

wolfgang said...

ich war halt so ergriffen,
da bin etwas abgeschwiffen!

Oder heißt es abgeschweift?

Larry said...

= 'I digress', lol. And a big 'Howdy' to you! :)

Trevor said...

You are perfectly entitled to express an opinion, Anonymous, but the manner in which you have done so leaves much to be desired. Was it really necessary to criticise Holly's parents and to be gratuitously offensive to them and to Holly --- never mind the other good, decent and caring people who express their views in a thoughtful and measured fashion ?

H said...

@ Anonymous

Thank you for your input. I'm sure it has helped me in some way, and I know already that it has made my outer shell that little bit stronger.

Please don't even think that you know me, my family, or the people who support me and my music. I think you'll find that WE are real and YOU are living in a virtual world.

Your comment suggests that I am very disillusioned. I, however, disagree. I believe that I've got pretty good judgement and am able to make some sensible decisions - hence weighing up the pros and cons on my blog. (For your information, I still haven't made a decision, but I will definitely not be told what to do.)

I also believe that my friends have good judgement. The people who I have met on the internet have become very important to me and I have even been fortunate enough to meet some of them in person. I am very fond of them, and I know that if I did something and it was terrible, or not quite right for me, they'd tell me, like a friend would - just as they'd tell me if they enjoyed something I did.

I don't wish to be a millionaire pop star, my dream is to be able to earn a living from doing what I love - which is writing songs and performing them. That is what I am currently doing and I am very happy. When you are very happy, there seems to be no reason to change the situation you are in. Therefore, I am thinking again about going to University. When you are at school, you get swept along in the UCAS scheme and don't even have time to think whether or not it is what you really want to do. It seems to be expected by the education system that if you are able to get your A-Levels, you go to University.

Now I have a lot of thinking to do - and I know that when I do make my decision I will have thought very thoroughly and every angle will have been covered…therefore, it will be the right one for me.

Many thanks,


P.S - A huge thank you to everyone else for your brilliant comments. They've really helped me a lot. I'm really lucky to have such wise friends. I'll write another blog soon with some more thoughts. :) Lots of love xxxxx

me said...

The reason H was 'allowed' to have a gap year was because she had worked extremely hard with her school, (and out of school), work for years. Why was that a favour? Why do you seem to think that children HAVE to go to university straight from school and that University is the be all and end all?
I know many young adults who have been to uni over the past few years and ended up with no job at all (even though they had good degrees) or had to take a job that they could easily have got had they not even bothered to go to uni. They also would not have ended up at least £20,000 in debt!
Holly has made some wonderful friends over the Internet. Some of those 'virtual people' she has met, and they were very genuine and well respected people and are now family friends. She got to know those people through her songwriting and her singing. She has been able to earn some money by singing ~ not just in pubs! The Isle of Wight has some brilliant musicians and there is lots happening musically, all year round. She has also been invited to sing on the mainland because people like her music.
If Holly was a wannabe I could understand your cynicism but she is not. She doesn't think she is someone she is not and you are extremely rude to suggest this. You obviously know nothing whatsoever about the real Holly. If she was the person you paint her to be she would have tried for X-Factor or the like in the hope of finding instant stardom! That is NOT what Holly is about. She loves to write songs, sing her songs and also write music. If she is able to earn money from pottering around and singing those songs to people who want to listen, what is the problem with that?
As her parents we want for Holly what will make her happy. If she decides to go to Surrey that is great ~ if she wants to see if she can do an OU course and at the same time earn enough to pay her bills by singing and writing for a bit longer, then that is fine too. We don't live in the dark ages you know ~ Holly could go to University later if that is what she wants ~ no-one can take her 'A' Level qualifications away from her!
She has a lot of thinking to do but one thing I am sure of, is that she will not be told what to do by someone who obviously does not know her at all!
Incidentally, Holly did not pay for her CD herself. It was paid for with the money from the downloads of her music from her website and also from money that people kindly donated.
Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I don't really think it necessary for you to be so condescending in your tone!

PBS said...

Well if you do decide to take an OU degree in English Holly then let me know and I will do it with you. I have been dithering about doing English or Art History, but as (like you) I love words I think English would be more enjoyable. We can motivate each other ;-) xxx

Larry said...

I do not know much of anything but, there is one thing that I do suspect is true though. That Holly's being summoned to the famous Amanda's birthday party in London to perform was not very virtual. Although, I will concede that the virtual world did in fact open the door for it to happen.

Anyway, I think you both need a degree in Appalachian talk. Holly's Appalachian is not much better than my British, lol.

Lana said...

Hello Holly! You're extremely lucky to have such a supportive family and good friends. I had pretty much the same university dilemma couple of years ago when I finished school. I'm not a musician but I'm a journalist and a beginner-writer. I was choosing between staying at home and working in the local paper and going to the university to get degree in journalism. Finally I've accepted place at the uni. Study there really took practically all my time so I didn't have time to write articles and work somewhere. Was it something that I was dreaming about? No. Were all the classes interesting? No. But was it worth it? Certainly yes. I've got totally new experience, met so many new people and found out a lot about myself. I grew up in the small town and uni became truly an adventure for me. It helped me to grow as a person and journalist.
I also thing that if I chose to stay home and work it would be good too but in another way.
You're talented. I really enjoy your music, I think you're doing a great job. Whatever you choose to do, do it with all your heart and you'll succeed.
Good luck.

Anonymous said...

My goodness, what a reaction!!
Let's get a few things straight.
Firstly, I could not personally care less whether Holly goes to university or not. It's nothing to me! However, if you bare your soul on the internet and seek the advice of total strangers, you have to take what comes, even if it isn't what you want to hear. Which is exactly the point I was making - Holly's "friends" are telling her what she wants to hear. Who wouldn't want more and more of that? It's much harder to hear things you don't want, and I wonder if, judging by the strength of the reaction, I didn't touch a few nerves somewhere?
Secondly, I am truly sorry if I have unintentionally offended anybody. If you look closely at my post, you will see that I did not criticise Holly's parents, but recognised that they had, of course, done what they believed to be best for her, which is what you would expect any parent to do. I did not criticise Holly's talent, in fact said that her CD may be "very good". When I said that she had paid for it herself, I was not actually referring to where the money had come from, just that this was a private enterprise, not the result of being signed by a label. Nor did I criticise her internet friends and I am sure that they mean every word they say; I was only making the point that in taking all of that too seriously it is easy to lose your grip on reality.
I understand the points made about university. In this current economic climate, nothing is certain. However, surely the best thing is to get as many qualifications as possible? You may never need them in the end, but you sure will be grateful for them if one day you cannot earn a living. In any case, I was not particularly recommending the university course Holly has chosen, just expressing the opinion that she would benefit from getting out into the world. Whether she likes to admit it or not, both YouTube and the Isle of Wight are comfort zones! Is Holly frightened that she won't get much recognition if she leaves them? There's only one way to find out and, if she's as sure of her talent as she seems to be, that shouldn't be a problem.
Finally, I have every right to sign myself Anonymous if I choose to. That is an option provided when deciding to post, and one which I prefer. After all, in this "virtual" world, you don't actually know who you are talking to!

wolfgang said...

@Anonymous Total strangers, "friends", "virtual" world, these words seem to be strong words, but there is a fundamental contradiction in your arguments. If we (Larry, Trevor, Xeno, ...)are total strangers than you are a total stranger too. And everything you said had the equal amount of truth as...
From my point of view, even Holly is a total stranger. I cannot decide whether she is telling the truth or not, I cannot even decide whether she is singing or lipsyncing, it's all pure 'virtual'.
But that's not the way it works. We learn to trust people by having contact in very different situations and getting a contigent experience of reliability. There is no hundred percent proof, but otherwise no forum will ever work, Linux couldn't exist...

Larry said...

Das war eine sehr interessante Beobachtung, meine virtuelle Freundin.

Trevor said...

Anonymous,I think you need to reflect upon your own motives and intentions before questioning those of others.Wolfgang has it right in a philosophical sense : reality is a rather tricky and evasive creature of the forest -- now you see it ,now you don't.How do I living in England (I think)verify that the place people call Australia is actually real ? In other words,how can we ever 'know' that something is 'real' when we cannot verify it through our five senses ?Wolfgang is correct to say that we must do so through an immensely complex process of discovering and using a huge variety of contingent experiences to establish reasonable,though necessarily flawed, criteria through which we can operate.
Your comments were arrogant,discourteous and misguided;for example,had you read the comments carefully you would have seen that everyone stressed the importance of continuing with education -- the essential discussion was about how to reconcile conflicting imperatives as to what,where,when and how.Comments were courteous and measured which is how I (and clearly others too)think they should be made.Yours,I'm afraid were self-regarding -- the most important person to appear in your comments was you ! Your criticisms were often implicit which then allows you the opportunity to claim you were misunderstood (poor you) and that you were being vilified by those whose unease at the manner in which you expressed yourself was simply because you had touched a raw nerve -- that you had in some way 'found us out'.To me this is cowardly stuff.Clearly pragmatism and realism are hugely important but too often they are the outer costume of cynicism and skepticism -- hateful characteristics which cannot speak their name and therefore must hide their true identities.Your world,Anonymous,is a reductionist one and I am sincerely glad that I am not part of it.Truth be told you owe Holly,her parents and friends an unequivocal apology.

xenonrush said...

It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.
I was not offended when I read your first posting. I thought that what you had written was well intentioned but bluntly, and I would venture, rather tactlessly written. Can you not understand how someone could be offended by a remark such as “But you're living in fantasy land”. That is conjecture of your own making. However your last line “Don’t let it just rot away” indicated that you do care. What you said about university and comfort zones echoed what I wrote in the last paragraph of my first and earlier posting so please don’t suggest that we are all fawning sycophants. There are different ways of saying the same thing and some are more confrontational than others.
As for the CD, you are correct in what you say about it being the musical equivalent of vanity publishing. It was paid for by the artist from money earned from her music and donated by supporters. But isn’t that the way many people, including some household names now sell music in this digital age. I go to quite a few gigs in clubs in London and many of the artist sell their work on CD’s that they have produced and paid for themselves. That’s how it’s done for many artists who aren’t X Factor contenders. To an extent I believe the CD was produced because many of us were saying to Holly (in my case at least 18 months ago) “We would really like to have a CD of your music” and she came up with the goodies.
Having met Holly I would say that she is well grounded in the real world which was why she did her pensive blog and weighed some of her Pros and Cons with regard to what she would like to do in the years to come.
Your postings have certainly generated lots of reaction and as the saying goes “It’s an ill wind that blows no good” so it’s probably aired a few issues. Perhaps a little more circumspection next time?

Anonymous said...

At last the voice of reason! I could not have found the words to respond to the unwarranted outpouring of hatred expressed by the previous person to post, but you have helped to restore my faith in human nature, for which I thank you. I did mean well and have already apologised for any unintentional upset. Thank you for taking the time to post and to demonstrate that my thoughts held validity. You did not obsessively analyse my every word, but quite calmly saw what was intended and appreciated both sides of the situation.

Michael said...

Oh dear Anonymous.
It seems that you should think carefully before you post your comments.
You are behaving like a bully to begin with and even in your so called apology you continue to be spiteful.
Then you become defensive when you get a reaction, poor old you.

Trevor said...

Anonymous,let me make this clear,there is no hatred involved but there is a good deal of anger. You will recall that I replied to your original post in a very calm manner though,quite frankly, it deserved a more vigorous response.
What really annoyed me was your pusillanimous reply to the criticism levied at you.You clearly feel that you have been misunderstood and are hurt by such unwarranted criticism .Apparently we should not have been analysing your every word --- but,Anonymous,what else have we to go on but what people actually say? And if you feel misunderstood,then please pause for thought and consider how Holly,her parents and her friends feel --- it's not pleasant is it ? The world gets by not through hatred but through kindness,thoughtfulness, civility and humility .When you've made a mistake just own up to it --- for example,you could have said in response to the criticisms expressed : 'Oh dear, I am so sorry I didn't mean to give you that impression,what I meant was .....'or words to that effect,and the people you had offended,being good,decent folk would immediately have responded in like manner.For goodness sake,we all make mistakes but we only grow as human beings if we acknowledge them,apologise sincerely and try not to make the same mistake again.I hope you can find it within yourself to do this and,if you do ,then I will be leading the applause.

Trevor said...

Anonymous, what a great shame it is that , when offered the opportunity to make amends, you decline. It rather undermines your position, don't you think?

davidruben said...

Firstly, Holly as I read your blog I was impressed - brave to bear one's inner thoughts and it shows a mature insight into the difficult nature of trying to make such important decisions (better to review now the option of university yes/no, and if so where & which course, than feel you merely drifted into it and later have regrets). Having seen how supportive and caring your family are (previously online and, as a privilege, a glimpse briefly in the real world at one of your gigs), I'm sure you have the best possible background to be dwelling on such issues. I'm not even going to presume to offer any advice, but your previous blog postings suggests a maturity that many of your age lack, but this does not always make decisions any easier I'm afraid :-) Secondly, on re-reading your blog I noticed for 1st time the link to these responses, (explains the medium of support apparent from comments elsewhere on YouTube etc that I had wondered at) - and you do have some very supportive friends.

Anonymous' entry was excessively blunt, but I think your original blog musing had already acknowledged some of the risks. Whilst obviously there is no guarantee for those who are internet-only performers being able to move to real world careers, you are well grounded in real-world regular gigging. As for how good your year has been, only you can assess: how much prior downloads had generated, the costs of producing your wonderful CD, the CD sales, what live performance earns on the IoW, and what the level of performance further afield might need to be. As a mainlander, the IoW seems small, but I suppose it is divided between the various parts of the island giving a larger number of venues. I recognise too that whilst I, like others, might express a wish to see you perform closer to us, the practical reality is that during the week I'm working long hours, and weekends are not solely mine to plan as I wish – so no guarantee I could attend a London gig :-( It's a safe bet though that I'll be rushing to pay up for your second CD :-)

Finally the support of your family ("me said" I assume) is clear, and so the only tuppence of advice I can give is having rationalised the pros & cons as you have, to ensure you have a break away from the decision to let your feelings on the matter brew (as it were), and then with the support of those you care about, and who in turn care for you, then try and make the best of decisions (there is no one "right" decision, as all options as you recognise are a balance). I trust you find your path, your friend David.

TimBic said...

Wow! I've been on holiday for most of a week, and come back to find a great new song, and also a deep debate.

Holly, I'm not sure it is possible to analyse all the pros and cons of University without going there and trying it first. There may be all sorts of benefits that you are not yet aware of - perhaps the musicians and other people you meet, or wonderful new experiences, or even things you learn in class, things that will fire your musical imagination. My advice, give it a go - I'm sure your career will benefit from the encounter with a different world. For you, I really think, in the words of your song "I'm right here", it's time to fly....

Uncle Tim

TimBic said...

Re-reading this discussion, I feel I need to correct one thing that anonymous said - he/she said that the CD was the musical equivalent of vanity publishing. That's complete nonsense, as anyone with any understanding of the current musical (or book) industry would realise. The decision by Holly to set up her own music label and publish her albums using that label was a very wise and prudent one. The best way to make a profit is to avoid the enormous expenses of the large labels, who have whole layers of managers and lawyers feeding off their performers, who with a few well-publicised exceptions receive very little of the money they generate. By contrast, it already looks to me like Holly's album, over time, will make a very worthwhile profit, something that over 90% of albums currently fail to do.

Uncle Tim

Michael said...

It's so nice to see that so many people are in support of you and are sharing their words of wisdom. I think D.N.H said one of the most important things when he said to make sure you discuss this with your friends and family as that is where you will get your your best bearings, although I have no doubt that you would have done that.

I am now 44 and have just finished my first year of Uni. It's a great experience for me, but I would not recommend it if you can do it earlier. But that said, you are young and have a lot of time to work up experiences. So if you did hold back uni for advancing with your music, I do believe that you have enough support to hep you through and also to help you if you decide to return to the idea of uni. You can't go wrong when surrounded by people who care for you.

But, I think you should think something else over. Music is life. It's life in all its forms and together, music tells the story of the human condition. It encapsulates feeling and thoughts and experiences. It is created from love and hate, loneliness and company, ups and downs, war and peace, everything we can possibly experience. Your music is fantastic and shows that you have an excellent depth of perception. Gold and Blue is an excellent testament of this I would say :o)

Why I say all that is that your music is a personal projection of how you experience the world around you. Everything you experience will have a bearing on your music in one way or another. Your music will be great if you craft it fully now. But the experiences of the ups and downs, the pressures and the reliefs,the successes and the failures will undoubtedly feed your creativity. There are stories of the people you will meet that will fuel your thinking and the way you view things and widen your creative scope. By the time you finish, you will for sure have written so many songs, because it's something that I don't think someone like you can stop doing. It could be an ideal opportunity to gather even deeper perceptions that you can bring out in music because the things you personally experience will always help you to keep developing the real depth to make music that people can't help connecting to. It's only just beginning for you Holly. You have something special :o)

Anyway, I must have bumped my head and gotten all too philosophical for a minute there lol, I better turn myself back into the real me who is really not that deep at all hehe.

All the best with what ever you do. You can't really go wrong I reckon :o)