Friday, 5 June 2009

Passion

I wrote this and I thought I'd share it with you. It's rather long. It's just a bit of creative writing. Don't feel that you have to read it. I haven't really done anything like this before.

“What seems to be the problem Miss Fisher?”
A slight pause.
“I guess I have no idea what I want to do.”
He tilted his head and raised his hands so that his chin rested on his knuckles. She took this as a sign to continue as he said nothing.
“It seems like I’ve suddenly been given a lot of decisions to make and I’m struggling. I’ve made a few decisions, but I’m not really very happy with what I’ve decided. I’m sorry…I’m wasting your time.”
She went to stand, but as she did so he leant back in his seat and mumbled a firm “sit down.”
Another slight pause.
“Which subject have you applied for?”
“Music” she replied as she perched on the edge of the black leather chair.
“And?”
“And…I…am regretting my decision…”
She spoke in a quiet, stilted manner that just radiated self-confidence; his piercing glare really was quite off-putting. He wasn’t the kind of person who went out of his way to make you feel at ease, but that wasn’t his aim. She didn’t quite know what to make of him. He was a tall, dignified man with a startling presence. Even as he sat in the chair before her she felt slightly intimidated, and rather uncomfortable.
He glanced at his computer screen and cleared the screensaver before replying.
“And you’ve received offers?”
“Four.”
“And confirmed one of them?”
“Yes.”
“But you’re regretting this?”
“Yes...”
“Have you withdrawn your application and notified the University of your change of heart?”
“No...”
She fidgeted in her chair.
“Do you intend to?”
“I…don’t think so.”
He left a few moments silence before leaning forward playfully onto his folded arms. He adjusted his glasses.
“Well what do you expect me to do?”
A slight grin passed momentarily across his face. He really was quite an attractive man. Maybe that’s why she felt uncomfortable. He obviously sensed her embarrassment and carried on speaking.
“Alex, I wish I could help you, but I don’t quite know what you’re asking. Do you want to try to change your course?”
“Yes…really.”
“Well then, to which?”
“I don’t know.”
Mr. Magdalen leant back in his seat once more. He looked exasperated, but that wasn’t her fault, she’d already told him she was wasting his time.
“Help me here Alex.”
“I’m sorry.”
She felt her eyes well up with tears. Don’t be stupid…don’t be stupid she told herself. How embarrassing. She pinched her thigh and a sharp pain shot through her leg, distracting her from the awkwardness of the current situation. He helped her along.
“Which subject do you have a passion for?”
A passion? There was nothing in particular that she had a passion for. Her interests changed with the weather. She liked lots of different things from completely different areas. He’s waiting, she thought…
“Alex, just tell me what’s going on in there.”
He meant her mind. Show him you’re not that pathetic, hopeless, helpless little girl he must think you are, she thought. She shuffled forward so she was barely making contact with the smooth leather of the chair. He leant forward to mirror her position, and whilst Alex tried not to be put off by his closeness it made it a little uneasy for her to share her innermost thoughts without going slightly pink. She’d just talk, she thought. Just forget that he’s there, and talk.
“There’s no particular subject that I have a passion for.” She spoke calmly whilst following the patterns on the red carpet beneath her.
“There are certain things which I enjoy about certain subjects. But then there are other parts which I find really boring…”
He could tell she was unsure about continuing.
“Go on…”
She changed her focus point from floor to ceiling but met his eyes half way between and found herself unable to look away.
“It’s not really a particular subject that I have a passion for. It’s passion. I love the way that a certain piece of music makes me feel, I love the way a piece of theatre makes me feel. Your emotions are in the hands of the actors. They abuse you and love you and make you cry and make you laugh. They have a passion for what they do and I love it as much as they do. I have a passion for the words of the men and women who feel, and feel enough to record their deepest thoughts. They have the courage to believe that those thoughts and emotions are worth sharing, and they’re right to believe so. I have a passion for people…interactions…though that might be hard to believe coming from someone like me, who goes bright red when anyone looks at her.”
He smiled and looked down at his desk before returning to her eyes.
“I love watching people…when they’re deep in thought. It’s so interesting. I love watching how they react to certain things, their reaction when they greet an old friend they’d formerly lost contact with. Their face lights up, and their elation, for that one moment…it stays with you for the rest of the day. I always get told off for staring.”
She was more animated than he’d ever seen her before…and all because he’d given her a chance to speak her mind. She went on; he had no intention of stopping her.
“Sir…I have a passion for life. And love. And I doubt there are university courses for that.”
She smiled and looked at the floor once more, going slightly pink. Magdalen continued to watch her, tracing her features as she spoke.
“I doubt that too.”
He couldn’t think of anything else to say. He was slightly taken aback by her little speech. He admired this girl. She wasn’t one for small talk, much the same as him. He thought of something to add to his measly reply.
“No wonder you’re finding it hard.”
He fidgeted a little in his seat.
“I can tell you’ve given this a lot of thought Miss Fisher…and when one thinks a great deal on a matter, it’s easy to become emerged in a strange reality. I know it may seem odd. You would’ve thought that the harder you think, the further you plunge into the realms of your own imagination. But I think it’s the opposite…”
He had never found it particularly easy to share his thoughts with anyone, let alone one of his students, but felt obliged to reciprocate, and Alex seemed to be a sensible girl.
“You delve into your own thoughts and find yourself going round in circles. I suppose that’s why you came to me; for advice. But I think that you have to find your own way out. And I think the only way of doing so is to ‘skim the surface’ so to speak. I think you have to be able to take reality for what it is and how it appears to be rather than searching for a deeper meaning. The better the realisation of…reality…I suppose…the sadder one might become. The more you think upon the details of a matter, the greater the chance to form worries and become nervous about that particular situation.”
She looked slightly confused, or maybe she was just concentrating.
“Be content with the feelings you have, the passion that you have. And choose the subject which provides you with an excess of those feelings. You will be bored by some, if not many aspects of the course, but you will have to learn from those parts and draw positive experiences from them. There are a few aspects of this job which I absolutely detest. Meeting with stuffy governors being one…”
Alex laughed, grateful that Mr. Magdalen seemed to feel comfortable talking to her in this way. He began to speak again but was interrupted by the bell in the east corridor.
“Oh…I actually have a class now, but if you’d like to come back tomorrow at break we’ll talk about your options. Are you free then?”
She thought about it for a moment.
“Yes I am…that would be good, thank you.”
“Ok then, it’s a date. But now, class 10C awaits…”
He slipped his jacket on, grabbed a file from behind him and rose from his seat. Alex collected her things together, slipping her black and white bag onto her shoulder. He twisted the brass doorknob and opened the door, which she stepped through, thanking him as she passed. Magdalen watched her as she walked away.


Night night xxxxx

4 comments:

LarryC said...

It would seem that it is a good time for Alex to get in contact with her 'higher power', assuming that she does not believe that she is the highest power in the universe, lose the questions about the future, find her purpose in life, fill the vacuum and follow the directions of that 'still-small voice'. Life is uncertain and misguided otherwise.

Nice writing. :)

D.N.H. said...

Interesting reading. Nice job conveying the characters thoughts and feelings.

evil.live said...

This is a story about you, isn't it?

H said...

No, it's about a girl called Alex. :)